Random

So I hold my head up high and know it's not the end of the road. Walk down this beaten path before I pack my things and head home, hoping to find what I've been longing for at the end of the road. I know 'cause my feet have the scars to show. I was lost with vague direction and no place to call home.

It's not the end of road for either you and I.

In the end we tend to think of how it began. I could never explain the picture it painted, and how it made me feel.. now the ceiling is in motion, the light centered and overlooked. You want to see me disappear? Well, so do I.

Such a quiet evaporation.

We're nothing but hollow vessels in search of what makes us alive, I never said this was my revolution when you looked me in the eyes. Oh, how I've walked this white line so many times before? What a feeble attempt just to feel alive. This is for you and your hopeless case. You never would leave me in your wish to fail every time.

Every time I try.

So talk about it, at least it makes you feel something inside. Who have I become? Oh God, everything all around me is crumbling at my.. feet. I stare so delicate and ashamed, at the shelf I've shed myself from In the eyes of my ghost, there's nothing left for me here. I'm grabbing on to what's left of this hole.

It's all too real this can't be happening.

Never again, ever again, will I say I'm OK. I'm.. scared of the fate that will become mine.
It's so funny how we see things so clear when we have no time left to live.
So lay back now and take it is. I won't say a word. I won't say anything either. I can't believe how it feels to stand here in this room and feel like it's going to blow.

I think we're all going to blow, aren't we?

I've got to be dreaming and we've got to be dreaming. Please don't wake me up! This is the end.

Just like a sweet smile within the lie.

Solo or Collaboration?

A forum friend was asked me: "Why you prefer working on your projects solo rather than with someone?"

I simply reply: "When you can do something by yourself, why do you have to rely on anyone?" No, that statement doesn't mean that I'm arrogant or something. I just want to know how far I can go by myself, and see that if I am capable on doing something by my own. Instead of asking and bothering anyone doing this and that over time, I would prefer to ask them: "how do you do that?" and learn by myself after I know the basic so I don't have to depending and bother on anyone everytime I need something.

In fact, each time I'm collaborating with someone, it would ended up just not as good as the first time it was planned and the project ended up abandoned with variety of reasons.

But in real life, it's a different story. Team work is indeed is a vital part in order to keep anything on time - especially on dead line. Who would want to stay on office and doing everything by their own up until like 5 a.m. early morning?

Changes

A friend words about change just makes me realize anything is possible when we have a (strong) will, and that power of strong mindset will gonna help you achieve what you want and I've seen it by my own eyes.

I've got a friend which was quite a nerd (not being mean but he was) and it just makes me amazed when I seeing the changes he did on these past three years that he developed and I'm happy when seeing such a big change like that on my friend. guess what? he was once just like another common fans, but now he is quite a star. I don't know how does he make such an impact make-over like that, from a "common face" into a "face of a star". That mean he can do something that people say it's im-possible for him to achieve, and prove they wrong. it's good for him. by you grow older you will also realize that society will judge by your looks, so I personally think it's not wrong for having an "extra" looks on you.

Positive Point: It's good and prove that with a strong will, dream can become a reality as long as you really act for it.
Negative Point: Hopefully it's not a plastic surgery. *deg*

I've heard such an experience that some of my high school friends did in these past three years and some of them are just amazing, even one of them already could buy a car with his own money now which is a good achievement I think. And me? I haven't make any impact yet in these past three years, I mean an impact in real life, not in a game development community. Oh yeah and since I've said that, I would like to announce that for whoever of my beloved reader from another blog of mine Andrea's Develoment Blog which coincidentally checking this blog, I couldn't updating any progress at the moment, going to focus on something that more important for a while.

Everyone fear of changes sometimes, including me. Either bad or good would become it depends on how we can accept it and see it in our perspective. Rejecting a change is inevitable sometimes, what we have to do is accept, get used to it and make it become a good change for us. I'd sacrifice this present for a better future, no more hesitation to make a better change. It's always better late than never, isn't it?

"People could easily judge from the outside and said "amazing", but do they know about the process?"

Machiavellism

Okay, the title that I wrote above wasn't mean about the employment of cunning and duplicity-- or whatever that Oxford English Dictionary describe. It's actually a song from one of my favorite japanese band back when I was on middle school, Dir en Grey. I couldn't sleep so I just randomly search some old folders on my PC and found some nostalgic old songs which is like around 12.4 Gb including complete full albums of my favorite Dir en Grey up to Uroboros since I was like stopped from listening such japanese musics like around 2009 or when I was graduated from high school.

Machiavellism itself is the song from the album Withering to Death which was release like on 2005. When I listen to the album, I think 'The Final' is still one of my favorite song up until now in Withering to Death album. Listening to their music is just makes me quite nostalgic. Since recently what I heard most is only Korean or Western songs and Instrumental only.

Japanese band was unique, in both music and style. I'm following them ever since like 2006 far before it was becoming too mainstream and I'm still remember when I was imply their stye on my hair I was like making a trendsetter or something on my school because it's not usual. And some of the people just following my hair style and become a japanese wannabe. haha!

Quite A Pressure

There are plenty of stuff that I have to do recently and it's somehow makes me crazy. It sure is my bad, because even on that kind of situation I still do spend another time to have some fun without even thinking what's the consequence, and feels the hecticness later on. lol

Everyone do have a pressure, the more "big" the person is, the more big the pressure they would get. It depends on how strong your mental to beat the pressure. I'm quite reminded about someone which is in a same university as me, he was died because of jump off from a building last year. And my friend was saying this to me: "I don't understand why did he doing that? he is rich and all, why did he want to die?" and I was like replying her with this: "It's not about how rich people is, but there is something which is called pressure." And the next day I've just know from the rumor that he is actually got such a pressure for assignment and such. It's quite.. tragic.. decided to die because can't stand such thing anymore. It just such a waste, even if people die, it doesn't mean they would really in peace, because they would take consequences on the afterlife about what they was do when they live. How did someone just ended up their life when theres is alot of people out there who struggle to living from a disease such as cancer? People definitely should do value their life more because it's only once.

I also do believe pressure is one of the price for living, it may hard but I believe we can go through all of it as long as we have a will and I'm trying to imply it in my own. Since there is no any of time machine implemented so what I have to do is organizing schedule and such because now what I can feel is 24 hours is like just cutted into 10 hours or something (probably busy people will think the same way as I am), which is totally not enough for me. I'm trying to avoid any of pandemonium of deadline as I can and make things become better.

2012: A Year of Marriage

I've got another wedding invitation today. But the thing that makes me quite surprise is because it was from my ex, I'm not sure if I should either happy or.. jealous? lol
It was such a good times back then though and we was broke up for good so I wish for all the best for the marriage!

Another reason why I blog about this is also because, I wonder if it's just me or this year is actually a year of marriage? alot of my friends is married this year and I have no idea if it's because of young marriage trend or just afraid of end of the world issue. But seriously, I often got wedding invitation and seen alot of pre-wedding or just-married pics on my fb home page recently which makes me want to do so as well but I'm always rethinking about it, yet it just so tempting. lol Well yeah, it's because I'm not prepared enough for it and I have to be rich by my own first.

We've changed, aged and all. To be honest I do considering to getting married as well. I know, marriage isn't just about a fancy story like in fairy tale, bills will coming soon in the 1st day that we moved into a new house. But worth it. I just can't wait to have a babies, maybe 10 is just enough. haha no, I was just kidding about the amount of babies, really. lol

Last but not least, I would also demand A Thousand Years song by Christina Perri played on my wedding, not because I'm a die hard fans of twilight saga or something, but because I just love the song since the 1st time I listen to it and worth to be played on the wedding. It's like the song contain a fancy blessing that the love would stay for a thousand years.

Hello Goodbye

Alot of stuff happen on past month, either good or bad it does entertain me alot and also motivates me on what I have to do onward.
I think I finally have to say what I need to say since November last year. I am, indeed considering to quit wc3 since I lost my passion and interest on it as well as because I hardly devote my free time for wc3 stuff now.

If I can be honest about some issue, I do never play any map since last year including my own, so what I do is just enjoy the development process and see what I can possibly do on W.E. That's why you may see why I would usually prefer making, geomerging or edit my own stuff for the maps instead of just using available resources in most of my recent projects. Developing from scratch may takes times, but worth it and I'm more satisfied that way.

I'm proceeding onward with my life and I'd like to thank you all who play and enjoy my maps and those who help me on map development procces. There are too many names I would like to thank for on the wc3 communities and I wish them goodluck with their lives. I love them just as much.

Every story need an ending right? then I guess this is my chance to make an ending and create another better story.

Love, andreariona.

Our way ahead

Thesis? Move On

So less time and yet so many things that I want to do and I can't just simply miss. It's like I really just need to sacrifice something and move into another. We may can run or pretend-not-to-know on some certain issue but we couldn't simply get away from it. There is actually one thing that I'm not prepared yet to face and no matter how much I want to avoiding it, that thing is just ended up come by again haunting me and I have to face it in the end. It just simply makes me galau by just realizing that.

I think now I do understand how personal opinion about university students with their thesis stuff (except if you just do copy and paste). It just like doing an complicated matter and I can't make it in a simple way. It does takes a big time for research, effort and (may) alot of revision as well which is just like a pain. Okay, now I'm trying to collect all of the pieces of my will to doing this and focus on it. Hopefully when I pass I can free once again like a bird and I definitely gonna party hard after this thing has ended.

And finally, I think it's time to face and pass it now and move on forward. Yes, cause I can! 아 자 아 자 파이팅!

"Galau is normal and ftw, but sometimes what we need is move on"
— Andrea
(okay, the quote above is just so random and absurd)

아 자 아 자 파이팅!